philosophy

Posted somewhere in most businesses and institutions is a philosophy, a system for striving, a creed... "THIS IS WHO WE ARE, AND WE EXIST TO ACCOMPLISH [THIS]." I think the same is true of every man. Our lives reflect a philosophy- what we believe to be true and meaningful, what we strive to achieve and for what purpose. It is one man's philosophy that sets him apart from the next guy. So I've been thinking... what is my philosophy of life?

So here it is:

IN VIEW OF THE BREVITY OF LIFE

AND THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE UNSEEN ETERNAL,

I WILL ENDEAVOR TIRELESSLY TO:
 

1) KNOW GOD INTIMATELY

2) LOVE PEOPLE SELFLESSLY

3) ENJOY BEAUTY THOROUGHLY

 

Know God Intimately.

John 17:3 says "This is eternal life: that they may KNOW You, the only true God, and the only One You have sent- Jesus Christ." Eternal life is more than pearly gates and streets of gold, Heaven is Heaven because God is there. Paul enunciates the same concept when he wrote the Philippians- "More than that, I also consider everything to be a loss in view of the SURPASSING VALUE of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. Because of Him I have suffered the loss of all things and consider them filth, so that I may gain Christ" (3:8). There is no greater pursuit and there will be no greater reward.

 

Love People Selflessly.

The progression is natural... if I know my God and grasp His grace then I will love as He loved. 1 John 4:7-8, 11 make this connection pretty clear- "Let us love one another because LOVE IS FROM GOD, and everyone who loves has been born of God AND KNOWS GOD. The one who does not love does not know God, because GOD IS LOVE.... Dear friends, if God loved us in this way, we also must love one another." Not to mention, according to 1 Corinthians 13:2, if I do anything without love I AM NOTHING. People are forever... so if I invest in anything, may it be souls!

 



Enjoy Beauty Thoroughly.

"From the creation of the world His invisible attributes, that is, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what He has made. As a result, people are without excuse. For THOUGH THEY KNEW GOD, they did not glorify Him as God or show gratitude..." (Romans 1:20-21). The splendor of creation provides an opportunity to recognize the splendor of He who created. The book of Job is filled with declarations of the jaw-dropping grandeur of creation, but my favorite verse is 26:14. After a lengthy list of things only God could do, Job says- "These are but the fringes of His ways; how faint is the word we hear of Him! Who can understand His mighty thunder?" Beauty is everywhere and I'm determined to soak it up. From the little things like dandelions and dimples to the big things like the galaxies.... I want to live in gratitude for this extravagant backdrop.

 



the other side of the storm

I'm one of those people who can sleep through anything. For instance, every night I set six alarms; and every morning I sleep through five of them. But somehow I don't think I could have slept through the storm in Luke 8:22-25.

Picture this: Twelve disciples and their teacher all pile in a boat and Jesus instructs them to cross over the sea of Galilee. No big deal- at least four of the guys were seasoned fishermen- they knew the routine. Jesus curls up and falls asleep. All is well in the world.

And then comes the storm. Not uncommon- in fact, the Sea of Galilee is infamous for these kind of storms. The Sea of Galilee sits like a basin 700 ft. below sea level with mountains and hills on every side. Cold fronts brought violent wind storms over the hills resulting in thrashing waves up to seven feet tall. This is no laughing matter. The disciples panic. Fearing for their lives, they turn to sleeping Jesus. Desperate, they wake Him. "MASTER! MASTER! DON'T YOU CARE?! WE'RE GOING TO DROWN!"

The sovereign Savior woke from His slumber and silences the storm. The sea is still and the wind stopped.

"Where is your faith?"

What an unfair question. It was Jesus who suggested this journey in the first place.

The disciples turn to one another, amazed and yet afraid- "Who can this be? He commands even the winds and the waves, and they obey Him!"

Maybe that's it... WHO is this object of our faith? In perfect sovereignty, Christ gave His disciples an opportunity to trust Him. Someone once said "Faith not tested can't be trusted." So here was the test. Jesus Christ is the object of our faith. We can trust that when He calls us to "cross over to the other side, He's gonna go with us and we will make the journey. He's given us a direction and promised us a destination, and when disaster strikes- the decision is ours! We can be confident even when the boat gets rocked because our God is capable; He is faithful. He is sovereign to take us THROUGH the storms to the other side.

Where is your faith? For faith is only as strong as its object!

Don't tell your God how big the storm is. Tell your storm how big your God is!

the face of AIDS

Etched in my memory are faces- the faces of women lying hopeless on their beds. They laid there, tormented by pain that would never be comforted and tortured by fears that would never be calmed. They laid there under the cover of dingy blankets in a ward that reeked with the unsettling stench of death and decay. A small group of us went from bed to bed, listening as each woman whimpered and whispered. They told us they were alone and afraid. We leaned in close over their listless bodies and prayed for each one. We prayed that the God of all comfort would draw near and make Himself known. We prayed that the Great Physician would intervene and bring healing to both body and soul. We left those ladies with some fruit and a gospel tract in their own tongue. But more than that, we left them in God's hands.

Etched in my memory is the face of a young boy suffering the consequences of someone else's sin. His room was lonely and cold. But the sickness couldn't hold his smile hostage. All we could offer that shy little guy was a small bag of sweets. He grabbed that little bag and held it close to his chest. It might as well have been Christmas! But just across the room in stark contrast to that lively little guy lay a lethargic little girl- too weak to move. It broke my heart to see someone so young suffer so much. In moments like those, prayer seems so futile. But it's moments like those that I have to remember that my God is a faithful Father and He calls His children to cast every care on Him in full assurance that He cares.

Etched in my memory is the face of an infant. Through big brown innocent eyes, that tiny little baby had already seen and experienced a fallen world. That child was already part of a reality that only exists in my nightmares. The desperate cries still ring in my ears. It doesn't seem fair does it?

Statistics became a reality when I saw their faces. AIDS takes the lives of about thousands of South Africans each day. Thousands of people facing an eternity somewhere. AIDS has a face. AIDS has a family. AIDS has a story. But who is listening?

I saw the face of AIDS at the government hospital we visited, but I saw the end result at a cemetary in Hammanskraal. Grave after grave gave testimony to destruction of that disease. Row upon row upon row of graves barely inches apart. Dozens of freshly dug graves will be filled by the weekend. Plots in South Africa are very different than the ones we have in the States. Mounds of dirt are outlined with small rocks and topped with dishes or jugs of water, nothing fancy, just graves. The people believe that when their loved ones awake from their sleep they will need food and water. Some "better off" people had granite tombstones like we would be more familiar with, but most had only a hand written marker giving testimony to a life. The lives of some were long but the majority lived only a handful of years, some just days. One area of this particular cemetary is dedicated to small children and babies. Those tiny little graves hold the remains of children who didn't live to be even as old as my nephew. Marked with baby bottles and teddy bears, those little graves are enough to make you cry.

One of the guys on my team noticed an aloe vera plant placed on top of a grave. It reminded him of the story of the rich man and Abraham. The rich man who had everything in this life had nothing in the next. He was in agony. He called for Abraham and pleaded for just one drop of water on his tongue to sooth his pain. But there was no relief. The suffering man then begged that someone would warn his brothers and spare them the same eternal torture. Oh, what people would do for a drop of aloe from that plant! I wonder how many of those souls would cry out and beg that someone warn their loved ones. So often I get wrapped up in my comfy cozy little world and forget that I have the good news of the Gospel. Millions around the world die everyday and many will face a Christless eternity in Hell. What am I doing to get the Word out?

the depth and beauty of the Body

It's hard to put a finger on the Body. I can't quite wrap my mind around it. Who can really define or fully explain it? [Didn't Paul call it a mystery?]

I used to think church was that big brick building with the big white cross on the front. I used to think it was the place you went on Sundays. I thought it was the place where you went to look at the back of people's heads for a couple hours while a man behind a pulpit rambles on and on.  I used to think "big church" was just for "big people" and kids were supposed to color quietly. I don't know if my mindset changed when I became a "big person" or if somebody finally got through to me.

Regardless of when I started to "get it," I've never understood so fully as I did amidst God's people in South Africa. [Disclaimer: I don't mean to say that my church has failed me or Americans can't "do church." I'm just noting my observations.]  One of the most glaring lessons I learned in Africa was the depth and beauty of the Body of Christ. While I was there I had the privilege to see many different aspects of "church." My team enjoyed a morning service in Hammanskraal, worked at a future church site in Pretoria, visited a church plant in a squatter camp, helped in a well established church in Kokstad and participated in a service in a dirt poor village called Horseshoe. Each one of those churches left an impression and each one taught me much.

The church is not a building. One of the churches we visited was in a small dilapidated building that could not be identified as a church by any outer means. A broken window revealed the dust covered cement floor and in one corner was a stack of plastic chairs. We didn't get to see this place when people gathered within to worship, but I couldn't help but imagine what it would have been like if we had. Another church we went to was in the heart of a very poor township. These beautiful people gathered faithfully several times a week in the biting cold under a mid-sized tent. A small strand of lights was draped through the middle of the tent. A few dozen white lawn chairs made up the seating, but many were left to stand for the length of the service. At the front of the tent was a makeshift stage where the pastor stood to preach. These buildings didn't keep anybody warm or comfortable. There were no formal pews or lush red carpets, no stained glass windows or grand pianos, not even a pulpit or lectern- but God was there. All these buildings boasted were the people that they hosted. Those people had nothing but Christ and most of them wouldn't have it any other way. It was the smiles they wore that distinguished them, not the tattered clothes that were draped on their backs. The bitter cold didn't matter because they were filled with Spirit fire. You wouldn't believe the worship there! Most of those saints would never win African Idol but the fervent sounds they uttered were the coolest things I've ever heard in all my life! Participating in a service like that makes Heaven seem all the sweeter. Oh that I would worship with half their zeal! Something else struck me. More than these people longed to fill their bellies, they longed for soul food. The pastor began

to expound from God's Word the simple truths of salvation and  the people hung on his every word, feverishly scribbling down notes as he spoke. I've been under the teaching of God's Word all of my life. I've sat through thousands of Bible lectures in Christian school and college. I even have a 4 year degree. But somewhere along the way I lost some of that "hunger and thirst" after righteousness. Is it poverty that sets these saints apart? Or culture?

Before I give the impression that America fails at "church," allow me to make my point clear. Being in South Africa reminded me anew that it isn't the clothes you wear, the money you make, the house you call your home, or the car you drive. It isn't the building or the color scheme, the pews, the pastor... it's not even the style of worship that matters. God established His church to be a people who as one would reflect Christ on earth and bring glory to His Name. Nothing else matters! One day EVERY knee will bow and EVERY tongue will confess Jesus Christ as Lord. One day people from EVERY tribe and EVERY nation will gather for the single purpose of worship. Until that day, I'll stand in awe of the depth and beauty of the Body. Until that day, I will worship the One who saved me and sustains me with arms high and heart abandoned. Until that day, I'll wait patiently.

"For even as the body is one and yet has many members, and all the members of the body, though they are many, are one body, so also is Christ. For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free, and we were all made to drink of one Spirit. For the body is not one member, but many."

- 1 Corinthians 12:12-14 -

when God applauds

I'm convinced that God is always working thematically in my life. You know, when every sermon you hear seems to drive home the same point? For me lately it's this area of PRIDE. Handy, I s'pose, since all sin really boils down to that anyway... but none the less. The youth group just started a new series in Sunday School based on CJ Mahaney's little book Humility: True Greatness. I think it's going to kick me in the face... repeatedly.

In my 22 1/2 years on this planet I've managed to get really good at the pride thing. Actually I think I was born pretty good at it (is that prideful?). Sometimes it's pretty obvious- the nose-in-the-air, I'm-better-than-you-because... attitude. Or the "hey, have you heard how great I am lately?" conversation. Or "hey, did you know that I am crazy spiritual!?" Or when I start to talk about the terrible trinity- I, Me, and My, more than anything/anyone else. But other times it's not so obvious. Sometimes it's well disguised. In fact, sometimes the ugliest kind of pride looks like humility. This kind is more sneaky- others might not even catch on. It could be going out of my way to serve in some way as if I'm just a humble servant-person... and all the while hoping in the back of my heart that somebody's taking note. Or... it could be denying and deflecting others' compliments or kind remarks. For the longest time I didn't even realize that was pride! Ha ha, truthfully, the first time I really remember being confronted with this truth was when Carey Nilius was doing my hair for Jr/Sr my senior year. She gave me some sort of compliment or something that I tried to ignore which turned into a golden opportunity for rebuke. I so needed that, though, and I've never forgotten that conversation either! Who knew an Eeyore "whoa is me" attitude is prideful? But it is... and it's ugly!

[Wanna hear a funny story? OK!] When I was in Junior High, I remember for Bible class each week we did a unit on a different character trait that we should be growing/acquiring as Christians. One particular week the unit was on "humility." [True story, mind you.] I remember wanting so badly to impress Mr. Lane with my skill in humility. So during activity period I was shooting hoops and thinking... "how can I look REALLY humble playing basketball?" DING! DING! DING! "I know! Every time I miss a basket  I will just hang my head in shame. And if I make it, I'll still hang my head and shame... that way, I'll look like I'm super humble!" Pathetic right? Yeah, tell me about it.

I was reminded last Sunday that humility is really just having an accurate understanding of self. Accurate is key though. John Calvin wrote, "It is evident that man never attains to a true self-knowledge until he has previously contemplated the face of God, and come down after such contemplation to look into himself." Similarly, Mahaney says "Humility is honestly assessing ourselves in light of God's holiness and our sinfulness." That's it. It's that simple! There is no room for pride in a world where God is truly exalted as God. But I guess that's why Heaven is Heaven. Think about it. Essentially, pride is just measuring yourself against the standard of everybody else. If we assess ourselves this way, we always come out on top because we can always find somebody who's worse than we are. But what if man is not the standard? What if God is the standard? If God is the standard, NO ONE measures up! His standard is perfect holiness and righteousness and sinlessness. But we don't like to think this way because then we feel small and insignificant. But true significance comes when God applauds.

"Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.

For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved,

but the one whom the Lord commends." 

2 Corinthians 10:17-18

stamped in bold red letters

I've been told a time or two ten thousand that I'm morbid. I prefer, however, to consider myself one who thinks deeply about life. It seems silly to shun the thought- not like any man avoids it, right? You've heard the old adage "Death is no respecter of persons." So why pretend? I figure I'm kind of like a jug of milk... stamped in bold red letters with an expiration date. (Haha- maybe you prefer to think of it as a "best if used by" date.)

I watched a couple movies tonight... both of which made me think about "the end." One was fictional- Remember Me, the other was all true- Brothers Lost. The latter stands out more. It's a documentary of friends and relatives of those who lost their lives on 9/11, retelling their stories. That's powerful stuff! And for those of you who are convinced I don't have tear ducts- you're wrong! Promise.

Have you thought about it lately? What if it were you? What if it were me? Many of the guys who shared their treasured memories told of ordinary moments- the day-in-day-out, mundane stuff that most people don't give a second thought. The last good-bye. The last "I love you." The last joke. The last kind gesture. The last argument. If today were your last day, what would stand out in people's mind? If you knew today were the day, would you live it differently? There's a line in a Tim McGraw song... "someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying." Intriguing, eh? The reality is, though, we all have that chance EVERY DAY.  Life is unpredictable, and death all the more! The all familiar James 4:14 says "You do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away." We don't know. We cannot know! It is what it is, yet by the same token... IT IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT!

One of the last questions fielded in the documentary was in reference to the grieving and moving on stages of loss. It was "Do you believe in God? (or "What do you think is next?") This was the saddest part of the whole thing! Not one of the men who shared their stories had any real hope of seeing their loved ones again. Many of them explained that September 11th was "proof" that a good God cannot exist. Some said the here and now is all there is and then it's over. Others said they'd all meet again in heaven. 1 Thessalonians 4:13, 14 comes to my mind. "Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe..." Praise the Lord for HOPE! There is something greater than me, my little world, and my little life... there is a great and awesome God out there Who has ordained all my days. He has prepared a place for me in His presence and I can be confident in such a hope. I do not mourn as others do!

I pray that I will invest my life in something that will outlive me. I pray that I'll live everyday for the applause of One. I pray that when the last page is turned, the story of my life will have been all about the Author and Perfecter of my faith. Oh Lord, make my life an Hallelujah!

for a little while
grace

where healing begins

Ever become overwhelmed with the realization that you're a crappier person than you thought you were? It's an unsettling thing! It's funny though, we try so hard to hide it. We do everything we possibly can do in order to mask the fact that we're terrible people... as if others haven't picked up on it. We're so scared someone might see us for what we are. I wonder though... what if we were real people? What if everybody were REAL/ TRANSPARENT/ GENUINE/ FLAWED? Wouldn't it be beautiful!? I heard a quote that interupts my train of thought sometimes- "The best thing that could happen to us would be for our sins to be literally exposed on the 5 o' clock news- our deepest, darkest, most embarassing sin, the ones we work the hardest to hide..." (Derek Webb). Isn't that like a sucker punch to the gut!? What if it happened? What if the whole world saw me for what I am?

A couple weeks ago I was reminded that I have SO FAR TO GO and it was overwhelming and to a degree, discouraging. But I think what was hardest was not the sin itself but the fact that somebody else exposed it. But this is where healing begins. Think about it. People go to the doctor to find out what's wrong so they can fix it, right? Most sick people don't go to the doctor hoping to stay sick forever- we want to be healed, we want to be well. So why then, in reality, do we try so hard to stay sick? to hide our sin?

I'm reminded of the Pharisees of Jesus' day. Matthew 23 records Jesus' woes and warnings for the Pharisees. In verse 27 Christ referred to the Pharisees as "white washed tombs." Apparently, during Jewish feasts etc. the tombs would be cleaned and white-washed on the outside so they looked better for the public eye. Yet the inside were full of death, decay, and disgustingness. But who can blame them? We do the same thing. It's just like making the bed and stuffing everything underneath... or sweeping a mess into a pile and throwing a rug over top of it... or putting dirty dishes in the fridge/stove/cubbard. It's not our definition of "clean" that counts- it's gotta be Christ's. Oh how we I need to be exposed again and again! Tenth Avenue North has a great song entitled "Healing Begins" - check out (some of) the lyrics!

So you thought you had to keep this up

All the work that you do

So we think that you're good

And you can't believe it's not enough

All the walls you built up

Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down

There's freedom waiting in the sound

When you let your walls fall to the ground

We're here now

This is where the healing begins

This is where the healing starts

When you come to where you're broken within

The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out

Everything that you hide

Can come crashing through the door now

But too scared to face all your fear

So you hide but you find

That the shame won't disappear

Sparks will fly as grace collides

With the dark inside of us

So please don't fight

This coming light

Let this blood come cover us

His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins

When you come to where you're broken within

The light meets the dark 

If any of this resonated with you, I'd challenge you to look up Psalm 51 and meditate on its truth; let David's prayer be yours! Be cleansed from the inside out. Enter into relationships without reservation- let people see you for who you are- failures and all (James 5:16). THIS is where the healing begins. Let the walls fall; there's healing in that sound!

AS IS, grace

then you will have good success

I am working at memorizing several chapters in Psalms for a scholarship at Faith this semester (for the first time, I should add). Scripture memorization is a weakness for me. For one pitiful reason or another I find it very easy to pack away the lines of a movie I like or a stand-up I enjoy, but I fail to memorize the very words of God Himself. My brain serves as a portable jukebox, playing hundreds of songs on shuffle and repeat all day long... but yet, I rarely bring myself to marinate my mind with Truth.

Chuck Swindoll wrote, “I know of no other single practice in the Christian life more rewarding, practically speaking, than memorizing Scripture.... No other single exercise pays greater spiritual dividends!" He's so right! Psalm 19 is the chapter I'm working on this week; verses 7-9 expound on several of the blessings that come with the knowledge of God's Word. "The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether."  What's not to love? And in Joshua 1:8 we find the recipe for success: "This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, SO THAT you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For THEN you will make your way prosperous, and THEN you will have good success." (Note: meditation leads to application.) Think about it, Christ Himself fought temptation with memorized Scripture (Matt. 4)- and the Law at that! Who am I to assume I have a chance apart from the same strategy!? It's also interesting to note that the only offensive weapon we are equipped with in the war we wage as Christians is the Word of God (Eph. 6:10-24)- but no worries, it's sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart (Heb. 4:12). The Bible is bloomin' powerful! Why do I aimlessly enter the battle field at times unarmed and illequipped?

I pray that as I grow in the grace and knowledge of God, I'll grow in my love of His Word. David said of God's Words, "More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb" (Psalm 19:11). May the same be true for me.

true and better

I stumbled upon a cool video on youtube that got me thinking. Question of the day: Is the Bible basically about me and what I must do, or is it basically about Jesus and what He's done? The video is entitled "What is the Bible Basically About?" (I know, clever right?) by Tim Keller. It's worth your 3 minutes and 49 seconds.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkNa6tLWrqk

"savor the now"

I opened up a Dove wrapper once that read "Savor the now." I like that. I'm a couple hours away from my twenty-second annual new year. Like the rest of the world, I'm not all that great at sticking to "New Year's Resolutions." In fact, by the third week in January I don't even know what I resolved to do! Eh, who needs resolutions anyway?

But on the other hand, there is something refreshing about new beginnings. It's kind of nice to put another year in the past and welcome in a new one. It's also kind of neat to reflect on what's happened in a year's time. Actually, come to think of it, I can't think of a lot that's happened in the last year. (That could make for a boring post...) The year to come will be interesting, though. I graduate college in May. My youngest brother graduates high school while I will be half way around the world in South Africa. My parents turn 60 (I think...) and they'll celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary this year (which makes out to be a lot of new years).

The rest is yet to be... I don't really know what's ahead, and I think I'm ok with that. James 4:13-17 says "Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.' ... Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." Life is short. No body knows how many New Years they'll celebrate. There's only now! Many yesterdays have become treasured memories, many others have become painful reminders; but that was yesterday. There's only now. This year will bring 365 tomorrows, "if the Lord wills." I'm trusting Him to fill those days as He sees fit.

So, this year, I choose to savor the NOW. I choose to redeem the time. I choose to do the good I know I ought to do. This year my only resolution is to make the most of the year and all the moments that fill it so that I don't come to this point next year with regrets.

Happy New Year (insert your name here)!

more like doodle

I love my little doodle! (That's what I affectionately call my nephew.) He's all of three years old (and he will tell you, too), but he's managed to weasel his way into my heart FOREVER. I'm not complaining, though- I love the kid to death! If you've known me for any time at all, you've probably heard me talk about my little man with all kinds of glowing terms (all true, I should add).

For instance, he has finally arrived at the age that he can actually give a good hug- makes me melt everytime. He talks in complete and proper sentences. It cracks me up. If you ask him a question like "Would you like some milk?" he'll respond very matter of factly, "Yes I would. Yes I would like some milk." He's also one of the smartest little kids I know. The kid has beat every member of my family at Memory countless times- when we're TRYING! He is starting to read and recognize words... which consequently means we can't play the I-can't-say-it-so-I'll-spell-it game anymore. He's so eager to learn anything and everything.

More than all of these things though, I love his tender little heart. One of my favorite things to do is pick up Hunter from 2s & 3s at church. I love to see his face light up as he tells me everything he learned in Sunday School. He holds up his scribbled works of art and brags about how he colored them all by himself! It's funny how we prize a child's art work and praise it like it's the Sisteen Chapel ceiling. I'm his biggest enthusiast, though! :) But like I started to say, the little guy is such a tender chap. He's got this funny facination with Bibles- especially the pocket-sized editions. He sits down in a chair and leafs through the pages over and over again and mumbles to himself like he's reading. Or he'll beg anybody and everybody to read to him; he says "Will you read this to me?" To be fair, I'm sure he probably doesn't really understand what he holds or how it's different from Seuss's Hop on Pop... but it's still precious. It challenges me, though.... I want to have a stronger affection for that Little Black Book. I want to be more excited to tell people what I'm learning. I want to be more like my little doodle!

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." - Matthew 19:14

being found in appearance as a man

Excerpt from Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller:

There once was a man performing a covert operation, freeing hostages from a building in some dark part of the world. A team flew in by helicopter and made their way to the compound and stormed into the room where the hostages had been imprisoned for months. The room was filthy and dark. The hostages were curled up in a corner, terrified. When the SEALs entered the room, they heard the gasps of the hostages. They stood at the door and called to the prisoners, telling them that they were Americans. The SEALs asked the hostages to follow them, but the hostages wouldn't. They sat there on the floor and hid their eyes in fear. They were not of healthy mind and didn't believe their rescuers were really Americans.

The SEALs stood there, not knowing what to do. They couldn't possibly carry everybody out. One of the SEALs got an idea. He put down his weapon, took off his helmet, and curled up tightly next to the other hostages, getting so close his body was touching some of theirs. He softened the look on his face and put his arms around them. He was trying to show them he was one of them. None of the prison guards would have done this. He stayed there for a little while until some of the hostages started to look at him, finally meeting his eyes. The Navy SEAL whispered that they were Americans and were there to rescue them. "Will you follow us?" he said. The hero stood to his feet and one of the hostages did the same, then another, until all of them were willing to go. The story ends with all the hostages on an American aircraft carrier.

One of the colorful terms I've learned in Bible college is "kenosis." It's a Greek word used in Philippians 2:7 which means "to empty." Philippians 2:6-8 says "Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to His own advantage; rather, HE MADE HIMSELF NOTHING by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled himself by becoming obedient to death- even the death on a cross!" That verse is no doubt very familiar, but just as likely too familiar.

Think about it, Jesus Christ who was absolutely equal with God and enjoyed all the glory and honor due Him in Heaven, laid it ALL aside. He who was perfect subjected Himself to take on flawed humanity and live among them. He went the distance, becoming like us so He could save us. John 1:11 reads like Jesus' epitaph (if He had one), "He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him." What awful words! Note: I realize that every metaphor falls apart somewhere and there is no analogy that can perfectly parallel the kenosis of Christ with something that makes sense to man. The story I opened with had a happy ending- the hostages trusted their hero and followed him to freedom. But in all reality, there's a world out there chuck full of hostages who refuse to trust the Hero who humbled Himself and became like them in order to rescue them. "For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved." (John 3:17)

I am so thankful for the reason for this Christmas season. I'm thankful that my Jesus came to earth and became like me so I could learn to follow Him. I realize that this allgience was nothing I accomplished in my own strength, but rather something He accomplished FOR ME by His grace. Praise the Lord that I, who was once a hostage, have been forever set free!

gospel amnesia

I had one of those moments last night when God intersected my world with exactly what I needed... and He used a song to do it. I went to bed early last night feeling pretty discouraged and frustrated. Around 1:30 or so in the AM I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep, so I flipped on the radio. The song playing was called "You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North - now before you go assuming that's Oprah psychology, let me share some of the lyrics. They speak richly of the extravagant grace of God.

"You are more than the choices that you've made. you are more than the sum of your past mistakes; you are more than the problems you create; you've been remade. Well she tries to believe it, that she's been given new life. But she can't shake the feeling that it's not true tonight. She knows all the answers; and she's rehearsed all the lines. And so she'll try to do better; but then she's too weak to try. BUT DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE? 'Cause this is not about what you've done, but what's been done for you. This is not about where you've been, but where your brokenness brings you to. This is not about what you feel, but what He felt to forgive you, and what He felt to make you loved..."

I heard a sermon online recently that spoke about a Christian's tendancy to come down with "gospel amnesia." I'm so prone to forget the gospel, to forget about His grace. What would be different in my life if everyday was innundated with gospel truth? What would change if I really grasped grace? How can something so monumental become so mundane? The significance of the gospel is earth-shattering. So how do I manage so often to forget? I wrestle to understand what grace and the gospel is all about. There's a line from a Relient K song that echos in my mind: "the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair." I guess the point is that it doesn't make sense- not fully anyway- and it never will. Because the bottom line is, I don't deserve grace or mercy. Not only that, but I can't earn it either. But the beauty of it all is that though it's utterly undeserved, I'm blessed to be showered everyday with this extravagant, unending grace. It gives joy and hope and purpose. It's DE-motivation to continue in sin, to believie the bold-faced lies of the Evil One. It's motivation to embrace Life Abundant in and only through Christ. I can only be thankful. Julian of Norwich said "The greatest honor we can give Almighty God is to live gladly because of the knowlege of his love."

It's not enough to just believe the gospel, it must saturate my mind and heart as I begin to live like it's true. This doesn't mean gritting my teeth and trying harder to live better and achieve more. It's not making lofty commitments and holding myself to a higher standard. The gospel is realized in my life when I just come, messed up as I am, to the foot of the cross and let His love cover. It's stripping away all that I cling to and wholeheartedly encountering God FOR ALL HE IS. There in lies the freedom I crave!

"Where sin abounded, grace has more abounded; and so, just as sin reigned wherever there was death, so grace will bring eternal life thanks to the righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 5:20-21)

while i'm waiting

I'm two weeks shy of being half way done with my senior year of college... it's so wierd! I'm in limbo. For the first time in my life I don't know what's next. People are beginning to ask me "so what's after graduation?" Appropriate question. My answer... "No clue." Is that irresponsible? Irrational? Immature? Maybe. But the way I see it, though I don't know what my future holds, I do know Who holds my future and that's a huge comfort. Not knowing much of anything is a bit unnerving, but at the same time it's exciting!

I am so thankful for the past three and a half years of my life. They've brought so many rich experiences that have shaped and prepared me for what's ahead, whatever that is. Of course, it hasn't all been jolly and good, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I've been able to see life and ministry from perspectives I wouldn't have otherwise known. Coming into my freshman year of college all I had were a bunch of lofty goals and little true-to-life experience... but God has blessed in so many ways since that first awkward year. God allowed me the life-changing opportunity to travel on two camp teams. Ministering at camps taught me what it means to spend and be spent. It opened my eyes to people and the nature of discipleship. It helped me to get out of my shell and do hard things. So many lessons!

This year it has been so much fun jumping in with the youth group for my senior internship. I'm looking forward to teaching a series to the girls in January. Along the way I've become all the more grateful for my youth leaders from junior high and high school when I was an impressionable teen. I had no idea what went into youth ministry! But it's still a blast. It's crazy to think that I sit among future leaders with tons of potential when I sit in that youth room. They're so impressionable and I firmly believe ministering to them is one of the most vital ministries in the church! (Sorry for the soap box.)

As of Thanksgiving day, I found out that I have a chance to be a part of the South Africa team this summer. The team takes off in like 170 days or something... which, by the way, seems like 800 light years away! I can't wait! I can't wait to watch God work in all of those details that seem so insurmountable at this stage in the game. I can't wait to see the world the way God does. I can't wait to see the broken people of SA the way God does. It's all pretty 'citing!

So to bring this entry full circle... I can't lay out my life for you, and I don't know for sure what my future will look like; but I'm not worried. I'm trusting the Lord to arrange the pieces of this puzzle. He's given me a full life thus far with more blessings and opportunities than I could name, so I figure He's pretty trustworthy. I firmly believe that God will establish His perfect plan as I align my passions and desires with His. Psalm 37:5, 23 say "Commit your way to the LORD, trust in Him and He will do this... The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him." I'm not boasting in tomorrow, today has its own concerns. In the mean time, I'm taking my cues from James 4- taking it one day at a time, doing the good I know I ought to do.

There's a great song that comes to mind in closing- it's John Waller's WHILE I'M WAITING. A few of its lines are really fitting: "I will move ahead bold and confident, Taking every step in obedience. While I'm waiting, I will serve you. While I'm waiting, I will worship..." Love it.

too big for any box

JJ Heller has a song called "Small" talking about the God we often try to create- a God that's comprehendable, a God that's containable, a God that's comfortable- but God is not pocket-sized and He isn't what I think He is! He's BIG. But that three letter word doesn't even begin to size Him up. There are no words. There are no definitions. There cannot be a "Sunday School answer." (see Isaiah 40:6-31)

But I often carry Him around in my little "God-box" and bring Him out like show-n'-tell when I expect Him to do something beyond myself. But truth be known, every breath and every task, each and every day is God-sized, it's all beyond me! I'm not capable in my own strength. Why don't I have a God-sized God? What gets into me to make me think that I can do anything for myself? Wouldn't it be crazy sweet if I lived like my God was too big for any box? What if we all did?

I'm glad God is bigger than I will ever comprehend. I'm glad His power is greater. I'm glad He is completely sovereign. I'm glad He doesn't need me. I'm glad I'm not the center of His world. But I pray that He will be the center of mine. I pray that He'll constantly awe me and wow me and remind me that I will never understand. I will never comprehend.

Anyway, here's the song I mentioned earlier:

Cardboard cutouts on the floor

People wish that you were more

like what they wanted you to be

Eventually they won’t have much of you

at all in their theology

The walls are closing in on you

You cannot be contained at all

I don’t want to make you small

I don’t want to fit you in my pocket

A cross around my throat

You are brighter than the sun

You’re closer than the tiny thoughts I have of you

But I could never fathom you at all

Broken moldings all around

Broken people hit the ground

When they discover that you’re not here for our benefit

You love in spite of us

You use the least of us

to prove the strong aren’t really strong at all

in the midst of holy moments

I LOVE QUOTES! I'm in the process of going through some of my favorite books picking out some great quotes to decorate my bathroom at school with. I came across a few in a book I read at the beginning of summer that got my little head thinking. The book is entitled Thin Places by Mary DeMuth. It's a memoir about a woman who was dealt one lousy hand after another (figuratively speaking). The things that she has lived through and experienced don't even happen in my most frightening nightmares! And yet, in the midst of her circumstances she's sought to see God's handiwork. She's learned to trust His heart and His perfect plan. This is what she writes:

"God's fingerprints are everywhere- in the sacred intersection of melancholy and joy. Surely God is in the nooks and crannies of my life, stooping to earth to woo me.... I live in the midst of holy moments. I claw at the seams of life, questioning God's ways, seldom realizing that if I'd stop clawing, I would capture new glimpses of Him through the thin places. God woos me from behind the veil through the tragedies, beauties, suprises, simplicities, and snatches of my life I might overlook."

What beautiful thoughts! I was talking to a good friend a week ago about the ways that God uses trials in our lives to teach us. What I think I often forget is that life is full of divine opportunities to get to know God's heart and His character. He reveals Himself in all things, in all circumstances. Trials, troubles and tribulations all open the door for us to see God in a different light. This school year I want to see God for who He is. I want to know His character. I don't want to ask "why?" anymore, I want to ask "how can I know and reflect God in this situation?" I know that I will be tested and tried, but those things only work on my behalf- establishing patience, perseverance, and perfection (James 2). I'm going into this school year on the prowl for sacred intersections, for holy moments, and for thin places. I want to see God! The end of Job is pretty sweet. Job 42:1-6 read "Then Job replied to the Lord: 'I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, "Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?" Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said "Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me." My ears had heard of you BUT NOW my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes." After all was said and done- after Job had been tested and tried- THEN he saw God for who He was! Let it be so.

on the road marked with suffering

I love lyrics. God often uses the lyrics to a song to move me and teach me about who He is and how I can live accordingly. There were a lot of songs that got my attention this summer as I had opportunity to worship with God's people at camps. One stands out in my mind, however. "Blessed Be Your Name" got to me one morning. That song's been one of my favorites for a while, but it hit me square between the eyes this particular time. The lyrics are as follows:

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

I think the line that gets me most is "Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering...and when the darkness closes in Lord, STILL I will say blessed be the name of the Lord." Sometimes I feel like lightning's about to strike, like I'm one step away from a trial that's gonna knock me off my rocker. It's easy to be grateful when "the sun's shining down on me and the world's all as it should be." But it's a totally different story when "we're found in the desert place" or when we "walk through the wilderness." As I stood there in chapel hearing these words, these declarations roll off my tongue, tears formed in my eyes. If all were stripped away and I was left with only God, would my response look anything like Job's? Would I fall on my face in worship and declare that God gives and takes away and His name is to be praised regardless? Worship requires something of us. Abraham understood that. In Genesis 22:5 where God calls Abraham to offer his only son Isaac on the altar, Abraham says something very interesting- "He said to his servants, 'Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.'" Abraham didn't know the end result, he didn't know that God would spare his son- but he acted in faith anyway. He recognized this call for sacrifice as a call to worship! Sacrifice is worship. Worship calls us to see all that we have and all that we are as a gift from God with which we've been entrusted. And when it's all said and done, it's all God's anyway. I must see things in the right perspective. So if the road I find myself on is marked with suffering, and if I'm called to bring a painful offering, and if I walk through the wilderness- I pray that I will respond as Job, "BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!"

the heart of the city

I'm moved by people, by big groups of people, by the city life. My team is headed this next week to a camp in Illinois, so we've spent the weekend hanging out in Chicago. The guys suprised the girls tonight with a nice note and fun night out on the town as a team. It was a blast! But as we walked among the swarms of people I couldn't help but ache a little. There are so many people out there begging for somebody to care a little, to share a little. The streets of Chicago and every other town in America and around the globe are bursting at the seams with people who desperately need Christ. That's so humbling... and disturbing.

I was thinking as I was walking, "God, send me to the city." I want to bring hope to hopeless people; I want to bring the good news of salvation to the lost. I don't know where God will lead me in days and years to come, but I pray that maybe He'll lead me to the heart of the city. I believe that the heart of the city is broken, and it's broken in ways that only God can mend with His love and His grace that was demonstrated in perfect victory on the cross. I recently read a book that contained a simple quote "God-sized wounds require God-sized answers." They've got real big problems out there "in the world"- but there ain't nothing God can't handle. There ain't nothing He can't sovereignly mend or restore.

I'm quite sure my thoughts probably resemble very little clarity or sense... but it's 1:30 in the AM so not a lot is clear for myself either :)

in the beginning God...

Gen. 1:1 says "In the beginning God created..." - that is such an incredible statement! It blows my mind. The complexity of that sentence is really quite mind-boggling if you think about it. In the beginning of measured time as we know it, God was already there... and He had always been there. But it's that word "created" that is so particularly crazy to me. Out of nothing and for no apparent reason, GOD CREATED all things with intimate care and intricate detail. Everything with precision, He created a universe that is far beyond our understanding and comprehension.

The theme at Camp Lamoka this past week was Creation and it was such a sweet reminder of just precisely how small and insignificant I am in the scheme of things. Our God, MY GOD... is emmense, enormous, unfathomable, unthinkable, incomprehensible, and incredible. To think that the God who uttered words and light came forth... and the God who made the galaxies and has the power to roll them up like a scroll... and the God who made all creatures with crazy awesome detail... is the God who breathed LIFE into ME! That God wants an intimate relationship with ME! Why? I will likely never know or understand. "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me!" -David. I took a little extra time this past week to look at the creation around me and stand in awe of the Creator God who fashioned all things. There is such beauty and divine detail in each and every one of God's works of art! It's breath-taking. (Literally, if you're on the top of a mountain...)

Isaiah 40:12-15 - "Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand and marked off the heavens with his span, enclosed the dust of the earth in a measure and weighed the mountains scales and the hills in a ballance? Who has measured the Spirit of the Lord or what man shows him his counsel? Whom did he consult, and who made him understand? Behold, the nations are like a drop from a bucket, and are accounted as the dust on the scales; behold he takes up the coastlands like fine dust." Then it picks up at the end of the chapter with the often quoted section (vs. 28-31), "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." That passage got me thinking. (Shocker, I know.) Most would probably agree that God's big and He's in control and on and on... but how many of us really believe those things. "THE LORD (my Lord) IS THE EVERLASTING GOD & CREATOR OF THE ENDS OF THE EARTH...." And that is the God who supernaturally strengthens the weary and enables the weak. Eph. 1 tells us that the power that raised Christ from the grave IS IN YOU & ME! Why do I so often forget His goodness? Why do I so often cage His power? Why do I so often think that my ways are higher than His? Someone, please tell me where the logic in that lies.

Oh God, help me to trust your heart and lean wholly on your strength, fully on your wisdom. Help my life to be an Hallelujah- a chorus of praise always. "You are beautiful beyond description- Majesty enthroned on high. And I stand in awe of you... Holy God to whom all praise is due, I stand in awe of you."

the glory of the gospel

"Gospel" seemed to be the buzz word at Camp Eden two weeks ago... in all the sessions, in devos, in one-on-ones, it was everywhere! I realized that I often forget the glory of the gospel- the miracle of salvation, the victory over sin & death, the hope of Heaven! How do I do that? How does that happen? It doesn't make sense.

Anyway, it was so neat to watch God at work on the front lines, rescuing those trapped by the grip of Satan. Each day as I spent one-on-one time with my girls I had the privilege of laying out the gospel & the plan of salvation. What a beautiful opportunity. It only took a couple of days to realize that my whole cabin was on their way to a Christless eternity. But praise be to God- He saved every last one of them!

I hope I don't soon forget the events of Thursday night (at Eden). All week Elisabeth & I had been planting as many gospel seeds in our girls as we could, but it didn't seem to be clicking with them. Thursday night, however, it was after 11 & my girls couldn't sleep & Elisabeth was out of the room for a few minutes... so to kill time I started going around the room asking the girls to share what they were most afraid of. To my suprise, they each said they were most afraid of going to Hell. DING! DING! DING! Hello, open door! About that time Elisabeth joined us again and I filled her in on the girls' fear. We started to talk to the girls a little about how they can KNOW FOR SURE that they'll go to Heaven when they die. Elisabeth asked one of them if she'd like to go out on the porch and talk about it. Then another piped up, so I went with her. While I spoke with the one girl, 2 other girls had been added to the family. It was so fun to watch the joy of salvation fill the cabin. The excitement was contageous and one more girl decided it was time she talked things through as well, so she and Elisabeth headed to the porch! I stayed in the room and talked with the brand new believers. One said something like, "I know I should be tired, but I just feel SO ALIVE for the first time!!" Another asked, "Are we supposed to be happy or sad, because people keep coming in here crying?" When the last girl came in from the porch all the girls yelled with excitement "What happened!? Are you saved?" I had to laugh.

It was such a beautiful thing to watch the 180 deg. change in those girls' lives. They were excited to go to chapel and take notes and find the passages (with the help of the index). The last night of camp 3 of the girls stayed up late reading John and saying things like "I always thought this book was boring, but it's so cool!"

"I feel so ALIVE!" echoes in my ears even now. What a great thought. I'm reminded of John 10:10, "I have come that you may have LIFE and have it TO THE FULL." That life is in me! Romans 8:6 says "...the mind controlled by the Spirit is LIFE & PEACE."

Oh God, teach me the glory of the Gospel each day. Remind me of the riches of grace & the blessings of mercy. May the "old, old story 'bout the Savior come from glory..." never bore me. Father, put a song of salvation in my soul and on my lips, & may I always sing its tune.