gospel amnesia

I had one of those moments last night when God intersected my world with exactly what I needed... and He used a song to do it. I went to bed early last night feeling pretty discouraged and frustrated. Around 1:30 or so in the AM I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep, so I flipped on the radio. The song playing was called "You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North - now before you go assuming that's Oprah psychology, let me share some of the lyrics. They speak richly of the extravagant grace of God.

"You are more than the choices that you've made. you are more than the sum of your past mistakes; you are more than the problems you create; you've been remade. Well she tries to believe it, that she's been given new life. But she can't shake the feeling that it's not true tonight. She knows all the answers; and she's rehearsed all the lines. And so she'll try to do better; but then she's too weak to try. BUT DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE? 'Cause this is not about what you've done, but what's been done for you. This is not about where you've been, but where your brokenness brings you to. This is not about what you feel, but what He felt to forgive you, and what He felt to make you loved..."

I heard a sermon online recently that spoke about a Christian's tendancy to come down with "gospel amnesia." I'm so prone to forget the gospel, to forget about His grace. What would be different in my life if everyday was innundated with gospel truth? What would change if I really grasped grace? How can something so monumental become so mundane? The significance of the gospel is earth-shattering. So how do I manage so often to forget? I wrestle to understand what grace and the gospel is all about. There's a line from a Relient K song that echos in my mind: "the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair." I guess the point is that it doesn't make sense- not fully anyway- and it never will. Because the bottom line is, I don't deserve grace or mercy. Not only that, but I can't earn it either. But the beauty of it all is that though it's utterly undeserved, I'm blessed to be showered everyday with this extravagant, unending grace. It gives joy and hope and purpose. It's DE-motivation to continue in sin, to believie the bold-faced lies of the Evil One. It's motivation to embrace Life Abundant in and only through Christ. I can only be thankful. Julian of Norwich said "The greatest honor we can give Almighty God is to live gladly because of the knowlege of his love."

It's not enough to just believe the gospel, it must saturate my mind and heart as I begin to live like it's true. This doesn't mean gritting my teeth and trying harder to live better and achieve more. It's not making lofty commitments and holding myself to a higher standard. The gospel is realized in my life when I just come, messed up as I am, to the foot of the cross and let His love cover. It's stripping away all that I cling to and wholeheartedly encountering God FOR ALL HE IS. There in lies the freedom I crave!

"Where sin abounded, grace has more abounded; and so, just as sin reigned wherever there was death, so grace will bring eternal life thanks to the righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 5:20-21)

while i'm waiting

I'm two weeks shy of being half way done with my senior year of college... it's so wierd! I'm in limbo. For the first time in my life I don't know what's next. People are beginning to ask me "so what's after graduation?" Appropriate question. My answer... "No clue." Is that irresponsible? Irrational? Immature? Maybe. But the way I see it, though I don't know what my future holds, I do know Who holds my future and that's a huge comfort. Not knowing much of anything is a bit unnerving, but at the same time it's exciting!

I am so thankful for the past three and a half years of my life. They've brought so many rich experiences that have shaped and prepared me for what's ahead, whatever that is. Of course, it hasn't all been jolly and good, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I've been able to see life and ministry from perspectives I wouldn't have otherwise known. Coming into my freshman year of college all I had were a bunch of lofty goals and little true-to-life experience... but God has blessed in so many ways since that first awkward year. God allowed me the life-changing opportunity to travel on two camp teams. Ministering at camps taught me what it means to spend and be spent. It opened my eyes to people and the nature of discipleship. It helped me to get out of my shell and do hard things. So many lessons!

This year it has been so much fun jumping in with the youth group for my senior internship. I'm looking forward to teaching a series to the girls in January. Along the way I've become all the more grateful for my youth leaders from junior high and high school when I was an impressionable teen. I had no idea what went into youth ministry! But it's still a blast. It's crazy to think that I sit among future leaders with tons of potential when I sit in that youth room. They're so impressionable and I firmly believe ministering to them is one of the most vital ministries in the church! (Sorry for the soap box.)

As of Thanksgiving day, I found out that I have a chance to be a part of the South Africa team this summer. The team takes off in like 170 days or something... which, by the way, seems like 800 light years away! I can't wait! I can't wait to watch God work in all of those details that seem so insurmountable at this stage in the game. I can't wait to see the world the way God does. I can't wait to see the broken people of SA the way God does. It's all pretty 'citing!

So to bring this entry full circle... I can't lay out my life for you, and I don't know for sure what my future will look like; but I'm not worried. I'm trusting the Lord to arrange the pieces of this puzzle. He's given me a full life thus far with more blessings and opportunities than I could name, so I figure He's pretty trustworthy. I firmly believe that God will establish His perfect plan as I align my passions and desires with His. Psalm 37:5, 23 say "Commit your way to the LORD, trust in Him and He will do this... The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him." I'm not boasting in tomorrow, today has its own concerns. In the mean time, I'm taking my cues from James 4- taking it one day at a time, doing the good I know I ought to do.

There's a great song that comes to mind in closing- it's John Waller's WHILE I'M WAITING. A few of its lines are really fitting: "I will move ahead bold and confident, Taking every step in obedience. While I'm waiting, I will serve you. While I'm waiting, I will worship..." Love it.