"savor the now"

I opened up a Dove wrapper once that read "Savor the now." I like that. I'm a couple hours away from my twenty-second annual new year. Like the rest of the world, I'm not all that great at sticking to "New Year's Resolutions." In fact, by the third week in January I don't even know what I resolved to do! Eh, who needs resolutions anyway?

But on the other hand, there is something refreshing about new beginnings. It's kind of nice to put another year in the past and welcome in a new one. It's also kind of neat to reflect on what's happened in a year's time. Actually, come to think of it, I can't think of a lot that's happened in the last year. (That could make for a boring post...) The year to come will be interesting, though. I graduate college in May. My youngest brother graduates high school while I will be half way around the world in South Africa. My parents turn 60 (I think...) and they'll celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary this year (which makes out to be a lot of new years).

The rest is yet to be... I don't really know what's ahead, and I think I'm ok with that. James 4:13-17 says "Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.' ... Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." Life is short. No body knows how many New Years they'll celebrate. There's only now! Many yesterdays have become treasured memories, many others have become painful reminders; but that was yesterday. There's only now. This year will bring 365 tomorrows, "if the Lord wills." I'm trusting Him to fill those days as He sees fit.

So, this year, I choose to savor the NOW. I choose to redeem the time. I choose to do the good I know I ought to do. This year my only resolution is to make the most of the year and all the moments that fill it so that I don't come to this point next year with regrets.

Happy New Year (insert your name here)!

more like doodle

I love my little doodle! (That's what I affectionately call my nephew.) He's all of three years old (and he will tell you, too), but he's managed to weasel his way into my heart FOREVER. I'm not complaining, though- I love the kid to death! If you've known me for any time at all, you've probably heard me talk about my little man with all kinds of glowing terms (all true, I should add).

For instance, he has finally arrived at the age that he can actually give a good hug- makes me melt everytime. He talks in complete and proper sentences. It cracks me up. If you ask him a question like "Would you like some milk?" he'll respond very matter of factly, "Yes I would. Yes I would like some milk." He's also one of the smartest little kids I know. The kid has beat every member of my family at Memory countless times- when we're TRYING! He is starting to read and recognize words... which consequently means we can't play the I-can't-say-it-so-I'll-spell-it game anymore. He's so eager to learn anything and everything.

More than all of these things though, I love his tender little heart. One of my favorite things to do is pick up Hunter from 2s & 3s at church. I love to see his face light up as he tells me everything he learned in Sunday School. He holds up his scribbled works of art and brags about how he colored them all by himself! It's funny how we prize a child's art work and praise it like it's the Sisteen Chapel ceiling. I'm his biggest enthusiast, though! :) But like I started to say, the little guy is such a tender chap. He's got this funny facination with Bibles- especially the pocket-sized editions. He sits down in a chair and leafs through the pages over and over again and mumbles to himself like he's reading. Or he'll beg anybody and everybody to read to him; he says "Will you read this to me?" To be fair, I'm sure he probably doesn't really understand what he holds or how it's different from Seuss's Hop on Pop... but it's still precious. It challenges me, though.... I want to have a stronger affection for that Little Black Book. I want to be more excited to tell people what I'm learning. I want to be more like my little doodle!

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." - Matthew 19:14

being found in appearance as a man

Excerpt from Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller:

There once was a man performing a covert operation, freeing hostages from a building in some dark part of the world. A team flew in by helicopter and made their way to the compound and stormed into the room where the hostages had been imprisoned for months. The room was filthy and dark. The hostages were curled up in a corner, terrified. When the SEALs entered the room, they heard the gasps of the hostages. They stood at the door and called to the prisoners, telling them that they were Americans. The SEALs asked the hostages to follow them, but the hostages wouldn't. They sat there on the floor and hid their eyes in fear. They were not of healthy mind and didn't believe their rescuers were really Americans.

The SEALs stood there, not knowing what to do. They couldn't possibly carry everybody out. One of the SEALs got an idea. He put down his weapon, took off his helmet, and curled up tightly next to the other hostages, getting so close his body was touching some of theirs. He softened the look on his face and put his arms around them. He was trying to show them he was one of them. None of the prison guards would have done this. He stayed there for a little while until some of the hostages started to look at him, finally meeting his eyes. The Navy SEAL whispered that they were Americans and were there to rescue them. "Will you follow us?" he said. The hero stood to his feet and one of the hostages did the same, then another, until all of them were willing to go. The story ends with all the hostages on an American aircraft carrier.

One of the colorful terms I've learned in Bible college is "kenosis." It's a Greek word used in Philippians 2:7 which means "to empty." Philippians 2:6-8 says "Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to His own advantage; rather, HE MADE HIMSELF NOTHING by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled himself by becoming obedient to death- even the death on a cross!" That verse is no doubt very familiar, but just as likely too familiar.

Think about it, Jesus Christ who was absolutely equal with God and enjoyed all the glory and honor due Him in Heaven, laid it ALL aside. He who was perfect subjected Himself to take on flawed humanity and live among them. He went the distance, becoming like us so He could save us. John 1:11 reads like Jesus' epitaph (if He had one), "He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him." What awful words! Note: I realize that every metaphor falls apart somewhere and there is no analogy that can perfectly parallel the kenosis of Christ with something that makes sense to man. The story I opened with had a happy ending- the hostages trusted their hero and followed him to freedom. But in all reality, there's a world out there chuck full of hostages who refuse to trust the Hero who humbled Himself and became like them in order to rescue them. "For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved." (John 3:17)

I am so thankful for the reason for this Christmas season. I'm thankful that my Jesus came to earth and became like me so I could learn to follow Him. I realize that this allgience was nothing I accomplished in my own strength, but rather something He accomplished FOR ME by His grace. Praise the Lord that I, who was once a hostage, have been forever set free!

gospel amnesia

I had one of those moments last night when God intersected my world with exactly what I needed... and He used a song to do it. I went to bed early last night feeling pretty discouraged and frustrated. Around 1:30 or so in the AM I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep, so I flipped on the radio. The song playing was called "You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North - now before you go assuming that's Oprah psychology, let me share some of the lyrics. They speak richly of the extravagant grace of God.

"You are more than the choices that you've made. you are more than the sum of your past mistakes; you are more than the problems you create; you've been remade. Well she tries to believe it, that she's been given new life. But she can't shake the feeling that it's not true tonight. She knows all the answers; and she's rehearsed all the lines. And so she'll try to do better; but then she's too weak to try. BUT DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE? 'Cause this is not about what you've done, but what's been done for you. This is not about where you've been, but where your brokenness brings you to. This is not about what you feel, but what He felt to forgive you, and what He felt to make you loved..."

I heard a sermon online recently that spoke about a Christian's tendancy to come down with "gospel amnesia." I'm so prone to forget the gospel, to forget about His grace. What would be different in my life if everyday was innundated with gospel truth? What would change if I really grasped grace? How can something so monumental become so mundane? The significance of the gospel is earth-shattering. So how do I manage so often to forget? I wrestle to understand what grace and the gospel is all about. There's a line from a Relient K song that echos in my mind: "the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair." I guess the point is that it doesn't make sense- not fully anyway- and it never will. Because the bottom line is, I don't deserve grace or mercy. Not only that, but I can't earn it either. But the beauty of it all is that though it's utterly undeserved, I'm blessed to be showered everyday with this extravagant, unending grace. It gives joy and hope and purpose. It's DE-motivation to continue in sin, to believie the bold-faced lies of the Evil One. It's motivation to embrace Life Abundant in and only through Christ. I can only be thankful. Julian of Norwich said "The greatest honor we can give Almighty God is to live gladly because of the knowlege of his love."

It's not enough to just believe the gospel, it must saturate my mind and heart as I begin to live like it's true. This doesn't mean gritting my teeth and trying harder to live better and achieve more. It's not making lofty commitments and holding myself to a higher standard. The gospel is realized in my life when I just come, messed up as I am, to the foot of the cross and let His love cover. It's stripping away all that I cling to and wholeheartedly encountering God FOR ALL HE IS. There in lies the freedom I crave!

"Where sin abounded, grace has more abounded; and so, just as sin reigned wherever there was death, so grace will bring eternal life thanks to the righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 5:20-21)

while i'm waiting

I'm two weeks shy of being half way done with my senior year of college... it's so wierd! I'm in limbo. For the first time in my life I don't know what's next. People are beginning to ask me "so what's after graduation?" Appropriate question. My answer... "No clue." Is that irresponsible? Irrational? Immature? Maybe. But the way I see it, though I don't know what my future holds, I do know Who holds my future and that's a huge comfort. Not knowing much of anything is a bit unnerving, but at the same time it's exciting!

I am so thankful for the past three and a half years of my life. They've brought so many rich experiences that have shaped and prepared me for what's ahead, whatever that is. Of course, it hasn't all been jolly and good, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I've been able to see life and ministry from perspectives I wouldn't have otherwise known. Coming into my freshman year of college all I had were a bunch of lofty goals and little true-to-life experience... but God has blessed in so many ways since that first awkward year. God allowed me the life-changing opportunity to travel on two camp teams. Ministering at camps taught me what it means to spend and be spent. It opened my eyes to people and the nature of discipleship. It helped me to get out of my shell and do hard things. So many lessons!

This year it has been so much fun jumping in with the youth group for my senior internship. I'm looking forward to teaching a series to the girls in January. Along the way I've become all the more grateful for my youth leaders from junior high and high school when I was an impressionable teen. I had no idea what went into youth ministry! But it's still a blast. It's crazy to think that I sit among future leaders with tons of potential when I sit in that youth room. They're so impressionable and I firmly believe ministering to them is one of the most vital ministries in the church! (Sorry for the soap box.)

As of Thanksgiving day, I found out that I have a chance to be a part of the South Africa team this summer. The team takes off in like 170 days or something... which, by the way, seems like 800 light years away! I can't wait! I can't wait to watch God work in all of those details that seem so insurmountable at this stage in the game. I can't wait to see the world the way God does. I can't wait to see the broken people of SA the way God does. It's all pretty 'citing!

So to bring this entry full circle... I can't lay out my life for you, and I don't know for sure what my future will look like; but I'm not worried. I'm trusting the Lord to arrange the pieces of this puzzle. He's given me a full life thus far with more blessings and opportunities than I could name, so I figure He's pretty trustworthy. I firmly believe that God will establish His perfect plan as I align my passions and desires with His. Psalm 37:5, 23 say "Commit your way to the LORD, trust in Him and He will do this... The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him." I'm not boasting in tomorrow, today has its own concerns. In the mean time, I'm taking my cues from James 4- taking it one day at a time, doing the good I know I ought to do.

There's a great song that comes to mind in closing- it's John Waller's WHILE I'M WAITING. A few of its lines are really fitting: "I will move ahead bold and confident, Taking every step in obedience. While I'm waiting, I will serve you. While I'm waiting, I will worship..." Love it.

too big for any box

JJ Heller has a song called "Small" talking about the God we often try to create- a God that's comprehendable, a God that's containable, a God that's comfortable- but God is not pocket-sized and He isn't what I think He is! He's BIG. But that three letter word doesn't even begin to size Him up. There are no words. There are no definitions. There cannot be a "Sunday School answer." (see Isaiah 40:6-31)

But I often carry Him around in my little "God-box" and bring Him out like show-n'-tell when I expect Him to do something beyond myself. But truth be known, every breath and every task, each and every day is God-sized, it's all beyond me! I'm not capable in my own strength. Why don't I have a God-sized God? What gets into me to make me think that I can do anything for myself? Wouldn't it be crazy sweet if I lived like my God was too big for any box? What if we all did?

I'm glad God is bigger than I will ever comprehend. I'm glad His power is greater. I'm glad He is completely sovereign. I'm glad He doesn't need me. I'm glad I'm not the center of His world. But I pray that He will be the center of mine. I pray that He'll constantly awe me and wow me and remind me that I will never understand. I will never comprehend.

Anyway, here's the song I mentioned earlier:

Cardboard cutouts on the floor

People wish that you were more

like what they wanted you to be

Eventually they won’t have much of you

at all in their theology

The walls are closing in on you

You cannot be contained at all

I don’t want to make you small

I don’t want to fit you in my pocket

A cross around my throat

You are brighter than the sun

You’re closer than the tiny thoughts I have of you

But I could never fathom you at all

Broken moldings all around

Broken people hit the ground

When they discover that you’re not here for our benefit

You love in spite of us

You use the least of us

to prove the strong aren’t really strong at all

in the midst of holy moments

I LOVE QUOTES! I'm in the process of going through some of my favorite books picking out some great quotes to decorate my bathroom at school with. I came across a few in a book I read at the beginning of summer that got my little head thinking. The book is entitled Thin Places by Mary DeMuth. It's a memoir about a woman who was dealt one lousy hand after another (figuratively speaking). The things that she has lived through and experienced don't even happen in my most frightening nightmares! And yet, in the midst of her circumstances she's sought to see God's handiwork. She's learned to trust His heart and His perfect plan. This is what she writes:

"God's fingerprints are everywhere- in the sacred intersection of melancholy and joy. Surely God is in the nooks and crannies of my life, stooping to earth to woo me.... I live in the midst of holy moments. I claw at the seams of life, questioning God's ways, seldom realizing that if I'd stop clawing, I would capture new glimpses of Him through the thin places. God woos me from behind the veil through the tragedies, beauties, suprises, simplicities, and snatches of my life I might overlook."

What beautiful thoughts! I was talking to a good friend a week ago about the ways that God uses trials in our lives to teach us. What I think I often forget is that life is full of divine opportunities to get to know God's heart and His character. He reveals Himself in all things, in all circumstances. Trials, troubles and tribulations all open the door for us to see God in a different light. This school year I want to see God for who He is. I want to know His character. I don't want to ask "why?" anymore, I want to ask "how can I know and reflect God in this situation?" I know that I will be tested and tried, but those things only work on my behalf- establishing patience, perseverance, and perfection (James 2). I'm going into this school year on the prowl for sacred intersections, for holy moments, and for thin places. I want to see God! The end of Job is pretty sweet. Job 42:1-6 read "Then Job replied to the Lord: 'I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, "Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?" Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said "Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me." My ears had heard of you BUT NOW my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes." After all was said and done- after Job had been tested and tried- THEN he saw God for who He was! Let it be so.

on the road marked with suffering

I love lyrics. God often uses the lyrics to a song to move me and teach me about who He is and how I can live accordingly. There were a lot of songs that got my attention this summer as I had opportunity to worship with God's people at camps. One stands out in my mind, however. "Blessed Be Your Name" got to me one morning. That song's been one of my favorites for a while, but it hit me square between the eyes this particular time. The lyrics are as follows:

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

I think the line that gets me most is "Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering...and when the darkness closes in Lord, STILL I will say blessed be the name of the Lord." Sometimes I feel like lightning's about to strike, like I'm one step away from a trial that's gonna knock me off my rocker. It's easy to be grateful when "the sun's shining down on me and the world's all as it should be." But it's a totally different story when "we're found in the desert place" or when we "walk through the wilderness." As I stood there in chapel hearing these words, these declarations roll off my tongue, tears formed in my eyes. If all were stripped away and I was left with only God, would my response look anything like Job's? Would I fall on my face in worship and declare that God gives and takes away and His name is to be praised regardless? Worship requires something of us. Abraham understood that. In Genesis 22:5 where God calls Abraham to offer his only son Isaac on the altar, Abraham says something very interesting- "He said to his servants, 'Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.'" Abraham didn't know the end result, he didn't know that God would spare his son- but he acted in faith anyway. He recognized this call for sacrifice as a call to worship! Sacrifice is worship. Worship calls us to see all that we have and all that we are as a gift from God with which we've been entrusted. And when it's all said and done, it's all God's anyway. I must see things in the right perspective. So if the road I find myself on is marked with suffering, and if I'm called to bring a painful offering, and if I walk through the wilderness- I pray that I will respond as Job, "BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!"

the heart of the city

I'm moved by people, by big groups of people, by the city life. My team is headed this next week to a camp in Illinois, so we've spent the weekend hanging out in Chicago. The guys suprised the girls tonight with a nice note and fun night out on the town as a team. It was a blast! But as we walked among the swarms of people I couldn't help but ache a little. There are so many people out there begging for somebody to care a little, to share a little. The streets of Chicago and every other town in America and around the globe are bursting at the seams with people who desperately need Christ. That's so humbling... and disturbing.

I was thinking as I was walking, "God, send me to the city." I want to bring hope to hopeless people; I want to bring the good news of salvation to the lost. I don't know where God will lead me in days and years to come, but I pray that maybe He'll lead me to the heart of the city. I believe that the heart of the city is broken, and it's broken in ways that only God can mend with His love and His grace that was demonstrated in perfect victory on the cross. I recently read a book that contained a simple quote "God-sized wounds require God-sized answers." They've got real big problems out there "in the world"- but there ain't nothing God can't handle. There ain't nothing He can't sovereignly mend or restore.

I'm quite sure my thoughts probably resemble very little clarity or sense... but it's 1:30 in the AM so not a lot is clear for myself either :)

in the beginning God...

Gen. 1:1 says "In the beginning God created..." - that is such an incredible statement! It blows my mind. The complexity of that sentence is really quite mind-boggling if you think about it. In the beginning of measured time as we know it, God was already there... and He had always been there. But it's that word "created" that is so particularly crazy to me. Out of nothing and for no apparent reason, GOD CREATED all things with intimate care and intricate detail. Everything with precision, He created a universe that is far beyond our understanding and comprehension.

The theme at Camp Lamoka this past week was Creation and it was such a sweet reminder of just precisely how small and insignificant I am in the scheme of things. Our God, MY GOD... is emmense, enormous, unfathomable, unthinkable, incomprehensible, and incredible. To think that the God who uttered words and light came forth... and the God who made the galaxies and has the power to roll them up like a scroll... and the God who made all creatures with crazy awesome detail... is the God who breathed LIFE into ME! That God wants an intimate relationship with ME! Why? I will likely never know or understand. "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me!" -David. I took a little extra time this past week to look at the creation around me and stand in awe of the Creator God who fashioned all things. There is such beauty and divine detail in each and every one of God's works of art! It's breath-taking. (Literally, if you're on the top of a mountain...)

Isaiah 40:12-15 - "Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand and marked off the heavens with his span, enclosed the dust of the earth in a measure and weighed the mountains scales and the hills in a ballance? Who has measured the Spirit of the Lord or what man shows him his counsel? Whom did he consult, and who made him understand? Behold, the nations are like a drop from a bucket, and are accounted as the dust on the scales; behold he takes up the coastlands like fine dust." Then it picks up at the end of the chapter with the often quoted section (vs. 28-31), "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." That passage got me thinking. (Shocker, I know.) Most would probably agree that God's big and He's in control and on and on... but how many of us really believe those things. "THE LORD (my Lord) IS THE EVERLASTING GOD & CREATOR OF THE ENDS OF THE EARTH...." And that is the God who supernaturally strengthens the weary and enables the weak. Eph. 1 tells us that the power that raised Christ from the grave IS IN YOU & ME! Why do I so often forget His goodness? Why do I so often cage His power? Why do I so often think that my ways are higher than His? Someone, please tell me where the logic in that lies.

Oh God, help me to trust your heart and lean wholly on your strength, fully on your wisdom. Help my life to be an Hallelujah- a chorus of praise always. "You are beautiful beyond description- Majesty enthroned on high. And I stand in awe of you... Holy God to whom all praise is due, I stand in awe of you."

the glory of the gospel

"Gospel" seemed to be the buzz word at Camp Eden two weeks ago... in all the sessions, in devos, in one-on-ones, it was everywhere! I realized that I often forget the glory of the gospel- the miracle of salvation, the victory over sin & death, the hope of Heaven! How do I do that? How does that happen? It doesn't make sense.

Anyway, it was so neat to watch God at work on the front lines, rescuing those trapped by the grip of Satan. Each day as I spent one-on-one time with my girls I had the privilege of laying out the gospel & the plan of salvation. What a beautiful opportunity. It only took a couple of days to realize that my whole cabin was on their way to a Christless eternity. But praise be to God- He saved every last one of them!

I hope I don't soon forget the events of Thursday night (at Eden). All week Elisabeth & I had been planting as many gospel seeds in our girls as we could, but it didn't seem to be clicking with them. Thursday night, however, it was after 11 & my girls couldn't sleep & Elisabeth was out of the room for a few minutes... so to kill time I started going around the room asking the girls to share what they were most afraid of. To my suprise, they each said they were most afraid of going to Hell. DING! DING! DING! Hello, open door! About that time Elisabeth joined us again and I filled her in on the girls' fear. We started to talk to the girls a little about how they can KNOW FOR SURE that they'll go to Heaven when they die. Elisabeth asked one of them if she'd like to go out on the porch and talk about it. Then another piped up, so I went with her. While I spoke with the one girl, 2 other girls had been added to the family. It was so fun to watch the joy of salvation fill the cabin. The excitement was contageous and one more girl decided it was time she talked things through as well, so she and Elisabeth headed to the porch! I stayed in the room and talked with the brand new believers. One said something like, "I know I should be tired, but I just feel SO ALIVE for the first time!!" Another asked, "Are we supposed to be happy or sad, because people keep coming in here crying?" When the last girl came in from the porch all the girls yelled with excitement "What happened!? Are you saved?" I had to laugh.

It was such a beautiful thing to watch the 180 deg. change in those girls' lives. They were excited to go to chapel and take notes and find the passages (with the help of the index). The last night of camp 3 of the girls stayed up late reading John and saying things like "I always thought this book was boring, but it's so cool!"

"I feel so ALIVE!" echoes in my ears even now. What a great thought. I'm reminded of John 10:10, "I have come that you may have LIFE and have it TO THE FULL." That life is in me! Romans 8:6 says "...the mind controlled by the Spirit is LIFE & PEACE."

Oh God, teach me the glory of the Gospel each day. Remind me of the riches of grace & the blessings of mercy. May the "old, old story 'bout the Savior come from glory..." never bore me. Father, put a song of salvation in my soul and on my lips, & may I always sing its tune.

impact 2010

I'm chillin' comfortably in a sweet hotel in Denver as I write. The mountains are in view- it's great, I love Colorado! It's crazy to finally be on the road with the team! I've been counting down the days for so long that it didn't seem like it would ever really come around. I'm excited though to get this show on the road.

I spent a lot of time last summer in Thessalonians and fell in love with Paul's heart for ministry. It's such a challenge to me as I head into the first official week of the tour. I want to serve like Paul served! It's so easy for me to get wrapped up in the world of "Numero Uno" and neglect the people and opportunities around me. My prayer for this summer is that I will fade into the background. I will always only fail when it's all about me. The simple truth in the matter is that it's not about me and I'm not needed in this equation. It's that clay pot concept again... 2 Corinthians 4:7 says "But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us." Verses 10 and 11 go on to say that "[we are] always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh." Oh, that Christ would be manifested in ME! I am just an ordinary little pot made of clay, but what lies inside me is a treasure, what is within me is EXTRAordinary! God is beyond big, He's beyond good, and therefore I am left with no other options than to make much of the treasure I carry in this little clay pot. It is so exciting to know that the power that raised the dead to life and saves hopeless sinners is INSIDE OF ME and I have the privilege to proclaim it, to shout it from the roof tops (pun intended).
I can't wait to watch God Almighty work in my heart this week at Camp Eden and the weeks to come. I can't wait to watch God work in my campers' lives. May God get all the glory for what He will do!

grace

tax collectors and sinners

I was watching a show on A&E called "INTERVENTION" and it got me thinking. For several years now I've had a dream that tugs at my heart and resurfaces from time to time. Every time I see or hear something that deals with drug/alcohol abuse, homelessness, prostitution, inner city violence, teen pregnancy, etc. my heart just aches. I want desperately to offer hope, to offer relief. I want to listen to their stories. I want to feel their pain. I want to be a part of their better ending. I realize that within me is HOPE, within me is LIFE- and it's the cure to their cancer. I stumbled upon a poem that was convicting:

What, finally, shall we say?

What, finally, shall we say
In the last moment
When we will be confronted
By the Unimaginable, The One
Who could not be measured or contained
In space or time
Who was Love Unlimited?

What shall we answer
When the question is asked
About our undeeds committed
In his name—
In the name of him
For whose sake we promised
To have courage
To abandon everything?

Shall we say
That we didn’t know—
That we couldn’t hear the clatter
Of hearts breaking—
Millions of them—
In lonely rooms, in alleys and prisons
And in bars?

Shall we explain
That we thought it mattered
That buildings were constructed
And maintained
In his honor—
That we were occupied
With the arrangements
Of hymns and prayers
And the proper, responsible way
Of doing things?

Shall we tell him
That we had to take care
Of the orderly definition of dogmas
So that there was no time
To listen to the sobbing
Of the little ones
Huddled in corners
Or the silent despair
Of those already beyond sobbing?

Or, shall we say this, too:
That we were afraid—
That we were keeping busy with all this
To avoid confrontation
Wih the reality of his meaning
Which would lead us to repentance—-
That it was fear that kept us
Hiding in church pews
And in important boards and committees
When he went by?

—Ursula Solek

Jesus paved the way for this kind of selfless love. Matthew 9:10-13 says "While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and 'sinners' came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, 'Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and "sinners"?' But when he heard it, he said, 'Those who are well have no ned of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means, 'I desire mercy, not and not sacrifice.' For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.'" I want to walk in Jesus' footsteps and offer hope to the tax collectors and sinners... because in all reality, I am no better than they, only I have been rescued by the grace of my Father.

mold me and make me

I find the Creation story very interesting. It's one of those stories that I tend to gloss over because I've heard it since I was knee high to a squirrel. But what a great story, what an amazing TRUE story! Just think, God is completely satisfied in Himself- He needs nothing else. But for whatever reason, He decides to get creative (literally). God calls for light out of the dark nothingness, and it happens. Then He adds incomprehendable detail in everything He does... from the heights of the heavens to the depths of the sea. He creates big, small, and in between- plants and animals- all set in a breathtaking backdrop of the grandeur of space . It's all good because He says so. Then God made man in His own image- the crown of His creation- and breathed into him the breath of LIFE! Man was special, man was different. Genesis 2:7 says "the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being." That Hebrew verb translated "formed" is yastar which means "to mold as the potter molds the clay." Job said "Your hands fashioned and made me...you have made me like clay..." (10:8, 9). I just think that's such a cool picture- the Potter and the clay. That analogy is carried on throughout Scripture and the lives of believers. In reference to the Israelites, Jeremiah 18-19 speak directly of God as the Potter who has the right over the clay to do or not to do what He wants with. Rom. 9:20-23 talks about God's sovereignty in choosing how He'll use His clay, one lump from another. What right does the clay have to rebuke the Potter's craftsmanship? None. So then the obvious application is a quiet confidence in His handiwork. It only makes sense to leave the molding to the Maker. He knows what He's doing. Why is it so scary? Why do I doubt His perfect plans for me? Does a picture question the Photogrpher? Does the masterpiece question the Artist? So how dare I stand in question of my Creator who has faithfully sustained me and molded me according to His purposes. The only logical option is rest at ease and know He's working on me and making me to look more like Himself. He's molding a vessel for His use, and whether its use is common or special- His choice is sovereign and His plan is perfect. I just want to be a vessel that He's able to use for His glory. If I have to be broken and remolded along the way- I'm willing.
I love the song "Change My Heart, Oh God." The lyrics go: "Change my heart, oh God. Make it ever true. Change my heart, oh God- make me more like you. You are the Potter, I am the clay. Mold me and make me- THIS IS WHAT I PRAY."